I AM NOT MY
EGO.
IDENTIFICATION WITH THE EGO
IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
THAT YOU CAN LET GO OF.
WHY I THOUGHT I WAS MY EGO
There are people who ponder a lot and, thanks to their keen mind and "intellect", can analyze every situation (at least in retrospect) in detail and explain why something is the way it is.
These people also think about all eventualities and their consequences in advance.
I was just like that. I thought this was also absolutely desirable: at work anyway, but also in relation to other things that we usually evaluate in our society, such as
- Relationships
- (world) events
- fellow human beings
- politics
- psychology
- Medicine...
PLEASE DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND:
Our mind is a fascinating tool and probably our most important "asset" in terms of our position in the world of living beings.
But cognitive thinking also has its downsides...
KNOWLEDGE IS NOT ALWAYS GOOD.
A "famous" person once coined the phrase:
"Man is damned by the knowledge of his own death"
Knowing that we will die creates fear: the famous fear of death. With this knowledge, we constantly try to avoid death. At the moment , this is also a sensible strategy, for example in road traffic.
However, we experience the same feeling of fear when we imagine future scenarios that could be potentially dangerous.
Through this "ability", we bring the fear from the future into the present: and all the associated sensations - including physical ones - are then experienced.
AND THE FEAR OF IT.
There is not only the fear of "physical death". We can also be afraid of "spiritual death": Offense. We allow this to arise through being disrespected, insulted and abused by other people.
The fear of being offended leads to the same biochemical processes in the body as the fear of physical, actual death.
Our cognition, our mind, is therefore not only the fascinating, unique tool with which we manage our everyday tasks:
The mind is also our most dangerous and difficult tool to wield.
The mind creates something that in psychology is called "the ego". And we are "socialized" in our modern (performance) society and grow up with the imprint:
"I am...my ego".
THE EGO IS AFRAID.
Fear of being hurt, offended, destroyed, maligned, ridiculed, etc.
THE EGO WANTS TO BE NOURISHED.
Through recognition, admiration, praise, attention.
The ego creates fears, feelings of anger, jealousy and much more.
The ego compares itself with other egos.
The ego wants to dominate other egos.
THE UNDERSTANDING.
The good news:
I still like my mind. I use it consciously to accomplish my life tasks, like writing this article here. I also accept that it has created my ego. But:
I have realized that I am not my ego. I simply (just) am.
This feeling of acceptance, serenity and "centeredness" is deeply relaxing. I am very grateful that I am allowed to be this.
It wasn't always like this
I once had a big ego. A very big one, in fact. (I may still have one, but it's allowed to sit next to the pitch) and it got bigger and bigger, not least because of my performance mindset.
At the same time, it also became more and more anxious. If you have a lot, you can lose a lot. Not in terms of money, but in terms of status, of "achievements"...
I spent hundreds of hours in psychotherapy where I was taught pleasant tools to deal with stress better. I was advised to take tranquilizers and antidepressants.
One of these tools, on the other hand, was meditation, where I was able to experience a kind of safe space for the first time, where I could let go of my restless thoughts. I was also able to use meditation specifically to "come down" in particularly difficult situations.
However, I was like many people:
As soon as I was back in the "normal" world, I immediately started brooding again...
TO RECOGNIZE.
I longed for a permanent solution. The mere cognitive understanding or knowledge that I am not my ego only got me so far.
It took some practice, but over time this conviction solidified and became a realization.
For me, it was a big step that helped me to let go of my brooding and feel at ease:
INDEPENDENT OF EXTERNAL FACTORS.
(copy 10)
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